CONFESSIONS OF A MOTHER, OR ( MOM WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?)

2007 HE LEFT AGAIN WIHOUT A SOUND. I LAY DREAMING AND HE WALKS THROUGH THE STREETS OF ALTADENA. IS THIS A REFLECTION ON ME? AM I A BAD MOTHER? DON'T GET ME WRONG , I CAN BE A BAD MOTHER IF YOU CROSS ME! SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, I HAVE SPENT MANY. IT HAD GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE I DID NOT HAVE REGULAR SLEEP PATTERNS ANYMORE . THE FIRST TIME I GOT FIVE HOURS IN A ROW I WAS AMAZED. I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT THAT FELT LIKE. WHEN HE WAS YOUNG I WAS ALWAYS LISTENING . NEVER SLEEPING. SINCE THE DAY OF HIS BIRTH, THERE HAS ALWAYS BEEN SOMETHING HE NEEDED FROM ME. THEN WHEN HIS ILLNESS CAME IT GOT WORSE. ENDLESS SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, BEEPING HOSPITAL MACHINES. WASHING HIM DOWN IN THE WEE HOURS, WASHING DOWN HIS BED SHEETS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LAWN ON THE COLDEST NIGHTS OF THE YEAR. OH, TO SLEEP AGAIN AND DREAM. FIVE YEARS AGO WE FOUGHT TO KEEP HIM ALIVE ONLY NOW TO HAVE HIM ESCAPE THE SAFETY OF HIS HOME. AHH, THE SAFETY OF HIS HOME... APPARENTLY NOT SO SAFE AFTER ALL. HE DID, HOWEVER, REMEMBER TO TAKE THE IMPORTANT THINGS WITH WITH HIM. WE FOUND HIS BLACK AND RED PIRATE MICKEY MOUSE EARS AROUND THE CORNER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. THE ONES WITH THE GOLD RING IN THE EAR. HE WORE HIS FAVORITE BRIGHT SCREAMING RED SUPERMAN CAPE WHICH I HAD RECENTLY PURCHASED AS A GIFT FOR HIM ON A DAY HE WAS LEFT BEHIND WHILE HIS SISTER ENJOYED A LOCAL THEME PARK. THAT SILLY CAPE MAY JUST HAVE SAVED HIS LIFE. IT WAS THAT , THAT PINTO SAW AS HE AND HIS DOG JOEY WERE JOGGING THROUGH THE NEIGHBORHOOD. HE MADE IT A MILE AWAY THAT DAY. AND STEPHANIE, PINTO'S WIFE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, " YOU MUST BE USED TO THIS". AND ALL I COULD DO WAS TAKE ANOTHER DEEP BREATH.