Thursday, March 26, 2015

Sharing a post to I wrote for the  Down Sydrome Support group I belong to. A topic that the general population doesn't understand about the special needs population:

Here's a topic, I'm thinking, may turn heads. :) As our children grow they develop sexual interests. So how and what does that look like? Mine cuts out pictures of scantly clad girls he finds in advertisements (in bikini's or underwear) fairly normal, seen by all. And knowing this is normal interest of a young boy / man, we have not made a thing of it till now. Here's why, Matthew had placed a picture in the top clear sleeve of his binder. I knew nothing of this until I brought him home for the weekend and he complained about how Juan  took his picture and Yvonne got mad, and that he wanted his picture back. (He is going to be twenty in April. An important piece to this story because he is an adult now). I called the manager of the group home and she explained that she took the picture because it was inappropriate and she was concerned I would be upset by it. ( however, I was not told about the picture by her. Matthew told me about it because he wanted it back and was complaining). The picture she explained was of two women, naked, kissing. Soft porn, her words. It came from a Cosmopolitan magazine. So the first question is, where does he have access to a magazine like this, that has this kind of content, and the content of the article accompanying the picture had to do with soft porn and sexual preferences. Some kind of a survey I guess. Yvonne claims they have no magazines of Cosmo in the home. That's what I expected. So of course I took it to his school and asked his teacher if they have magazines  available to the students (I knew they did. but I was fishing). He said yes. I then asked if they had cosmopolitan and he said "Oh, Noooo," :) As I knew he would. I then explained the story about the magazine picture and explained that there are only two places he could have gotten a hold of it, either at school or his group home. The conversation was about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate to have available in a school setting, and could another classroom have it, and do people donate these magazines, and do you check what comes in, for content? After all this he said possibly, and he will be more diligent about checking. I then went to my RC to discuss this because I knew I would hear from both places that they did not have these magazines. I did not want to play the game of "NOT US" with anyone so I thought let's let RC deal with it, and get input, and examine what all this means, as Matt is a grown up, and this topic needs to be addressed properly. So the topic of adulthood, conservatorship, ownership, and sexual need / desire and how to express it came up. Appropriateness and all the stuff came up. Here's the kicker. (I will not disclose who or which one because I do not want people getting in trouble, and the finger being pointed at me! I have enough troubles after all! ;) ) (I just want to start a dialogue on this somewhat delicate topic). During the conversation  the story I was told by RC employee was that as she asked One group home director what they did for fun with the clients of this  Adult group home,  he said he took  his clients to Las Vegas. "Las Vegas?" she asked, What do you do there?" And he said "We take them to shows and to clubs". And she said, "Clubs? To dance?" And he said, "No, Clubs" You know, strip joints, gentlemen's clubs. Because, as he said, this is the only way they can have a sexual experience! (Fall on the floor here if you must, but it gets better). So she and I have a long and lengthy conversation about this and I just love how the questions come back to me, and how I feel about sexuality and all the stuff. And I am thinking, am I a prude or what?!!! So not!!! FYI!!! So we agree this needs to be discussed at our upcoming meetings both with school, and group home. I am thinking we have a behavioral plan, so maybe we need a plan to define and give structure to healthy sexual interest, and how we intend for everyone to deal with this topic with Matt as it comes up. So I get a call from School psych on a different subject but as we are talking about many things I bring up this topic, and want to hear her take on it. She tells me that parents have actually taken their adult kids to strip clubs in Vegas themselves. And she seems perfectly fine with it!!! Oh boy I'm thinking. I wouldn't be taking my typical son there, so why is this okay? (Mind you I think we are talking males only. Where are people taking their daughters I  wonder ( after all, equal opportunity. Right? sounds even more ludicrous when I put it that way!) So I lead the conversation to healthy sexual practices and appropriate settings for our kids to meet others (dances, bowling, etc). Instead of some artificial skewed idea of what these people think our kids need and should have in this way. I'm all for Matt having a sexual experience if and when he wants that, and the setting is right, and all the circumstances are right and if he can handle it. But that can be anything from holding hands to the other end of the spectrum. Anyway, I'm thinking one boys pleaser is someone else's daughter. Hmmm….. My question to you, What do you think about all of this? Vegas Baby! Or not Vegas Baby?!!! :) Please pipe in on this one as it can be all over the map. I know how I feel, and I don't agree with this Vegas thing at all. just me, the Prude in Altadena!!! LOL!!! 
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